Today I’m talking about winter fashion. This is a somewhat difficult challenge for me on numerous levels. Firstly I have made a somewhat rash, but public, commitment to purchasing NO new clothes for the rest of 2013. This is a major challenge for me and I have been deliberately turning a blind eye to the nice new thingies appearing down the shops.
Secondly, and MOST unfortunately, it seems that although I am now a high powered fashion forward fashiony type reporter, The Shake’s budget does not extend to getting me front row tickets to Fashion Week. In fact, it doesn’t extend to getting me ANY TICKETS TO FASHION WEEK AT ALL. Please direct your letters of complaint to the editors.
I am working with some EXTREME limitations here!
Still, because I am a professional, I will carry on regardless. It just means I am going to have to make some pretty groundless and bold assumptions about AW2013, but I am totally capable of that. So let us proceed.
This season I am predicting that it will be all about hair, teeth, eyes and faces. We’re talking boots and legs, we’re talking fingernails, pops of colour, leather, denim, florals, neutrals and velvet. AW13 will see us donning outfits and wearing ensembles like they are going out of fashion. Except they will be totally IN fashion.
Skirts are in, pants are out, culottes are questionable, top hats are so hot right now, feet are so 2012, hair will be high and lips will be pouty.
Grey is the new black, floral is the new grey, black is the new colour and handbags are HUGE! No actually make that handbags are TINY! The smaller the better! Can’t fit anything except a single lip gloss and a postage stamp in it?? STILL TOO BIG GET A SMALLER ONE!
Above all, and I do actually have hard evidence for this fashion trend, this year is the year of the Adult Onesie. Onesies have long been associated with babies (who doesn’t love a baby in a Wondersuit?) and with sinewy old coots in the Appalachian mountains of Tennessee, sporting red long johns and brandishing shotguns while they smoke pipes on derelict verandahs. During my in depth fashion research, I learned that these rear trap-doored long johns are known as “union suits”. You’re welcome!
Google “union suits” these days and you will be inundated with selfies of long john clad hipsters and nubile young women, all embracing the hillbilly chic of the onesie.
I was strolling about Target the other day and I spotted an adult onesie in the menswear department. It had a rear trapdoor and everything! You know something is dead set the height of fashion when it makes it to Target, right?
I’m not sure how I feel about the adult onesie. I mean, I’m glad they make them for young children because they are obviously so comfy and practical for a kid who kicks their warm covers off in the wee small hours. And presumably the appeal for an adult is the same – comfort, comfort, comfort.
But let’s remember comfort is not everything, my fashion savvy public! As my mother always told me as she tightened my corset*, we must SUFFER TO BE BEAUTIFUL.
And while I haven’t abandoned my fashion philosophy – “Wear whatever you like because life’s too short to worry what people think” – I draw the line at the onesie.
I like having attractive sleeping attire. And I like my husband to have nice jammies too. There, I said it.
So this is one trend I will not be an early adopter of. Perhaps I will regret it. I’m always willing to be wrong.
Will you be adopting a onesie this winter? Is velvet the new black? Do you rock a culotte?
*This is not strictly true.